What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
