yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
