so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
