i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
