RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
