ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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