i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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