When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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