My room smells like vodka and shame
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
