my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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