I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
send nudes
from the living room?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
