It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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