and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
