remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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