No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
