last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
