Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
