i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
