he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
