i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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