vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
