dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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