a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
