it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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