I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
