Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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