Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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