Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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