Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
