You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
