it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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