I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
