White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
