I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Less talking, more tequila
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
