i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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