I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
