My room smells like vodka and shame
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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