Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize