The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
