dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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