My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
