Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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