chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
