Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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