Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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