I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize