I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
