That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
