yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
