im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
