alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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