god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
