Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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