so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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