Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
