My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
