I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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