Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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