dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
