I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
