Just cropdusted the office
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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