Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize