i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
