and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
