i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
