I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
