I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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