He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
