Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
