why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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