this beer tastes like vomit already
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
