It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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