I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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