It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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