you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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