Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
