Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
