I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
