Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
