Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We left an ass print on the piano.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
