Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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