and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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