Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
