CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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