I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
