Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
