nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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