seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
